Category Archives: Zimbabwe

Did You Know?

Yesterday morning I was kind of late for work and so I was in a bit of a rush when I left the house. I had just left the driveway when I saw something moving on the side of the road in front of me.

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Zimbabwe, Zimbabwe! Oh, my Zimbabwe!

Disclaimer: This is NOT going to be well structured post. It’s more of a rant…sort of. These are all the things going through my mind right now with regards where Zimbabwe finds itself at the moment. It may or may not make sense. It is all haphazard. It may be all confused. But that is what we are feeling right now. Confused.

So guys. Zimbabwe. We all know what’s happening in Zimbabwe. Well, actually, we don’t. We don’t have a clue. We are going crazy here guys. We are excited. We are scared. We are curious. We are anxious the heck. What really is our military doing? What are they up to? Is this a smart move? Is this a stupid move? Maybe this is a well thought out plan that is being executed meticulously? Is R.G.M in on this? Maybe tirikuitiswa guys!

Zimbabweans have been through the most, THE ABSOLUTE MOST! We are such an abused people. You can’t even tweet in peace. Even now, I’m taking care not to type anything in this post that may get me in trouble and have charges of “trying to incite the overthrowing of a constitutionally and democratically elected government” brought against me. I’m too pretty for prison please!

I mean, most Zimbabweans had/have lost hope of any meaningful change in our country. Everyone is just basically trying to stay alive. To feed their families and have a decent roof over their heads. I think we last collectively had these feelings of anxiety, excitement, depression and anticipation after the 2008 elections, but alas. We all know how that story ended. As such, on the morning of 15 November 2017 when we woke up to the announcement on our one and only local TV station that the military was temporarily in charge of the country, we, ok, let me say “I”, I was confused. Stunned. Like what just happened?? Below is the full announcement which was made by General Major S. B. Moyo.

Note he actually doesn’t say anything at all about removing the current president. He just says they want to remove “the criminal elements surrounding him who are causing economic and social suffering in the country”. I don’t know how we got from that to everyone going on and on about them removing the current president. I don’t know man. It’s just confusing. Maybe it’s because we are so very DESPERATE for that kind of change we just heard what we wanted to hear and ran with it. Or maybe like I said before, it’s all part of their plan. Who knows? They are not really saying much. They said this is not a coup. But listen. These are highly educated, trained and experienced military men. I really, really want to believe that they DO know what they are doing. Imagine though. This is would actually be epic! This would be the most tactful and peaceful coup in the history of mankind. General Chiwenga and his team would go down in history as legends! He would need to write a book after this!

Listen. Zimbabweans are neither naive nor stupid. We are well aware that this is less about us the general populace of Zimbabwe and more about General Chiwenga and team protecting their own interests in ZANU PF (Zimbabwe’s ruling party). However. The transformation we seek could be a by-product of their bigger picture. That is why we are all sitting at the edge of our seats, biting our nails and watching ZBC TV which many of us haven’t bothered to watch for literally years! Imagine, we are looking to ZBC TV and the Herald for factual news! Wonders will never cease!

Let’s talk about SADC (Southern African Development Committee) and the AU (African Union) for a quick second. I’ll get straight to the point. I have NO kind words for them like, I’m sure, most Zimbabweans. In fact, I am mad as hell. How many times have we had issues in this country? Serious humanitarian issues? How many times could they have stepped in and held little meetings to intervene when we really needed them? Did they lift a finger? No. They turned the other way and pretended not to see what was going on. And now, because we (haha we!) have taken matters into our own hands they suddenly want to poke their snotty noses into our business? No no no. A thousand times no. How dare they? How DARE they? Now they want to start bringing up the constitution? Where were they when that very same constitution was being shat on??? Just pretend you can’t see us as usual. I’m going to stop there.

The international news agencies. Oh Lord. These guys right here **face palm** Can you stop being so sensational and peddling fake news and nonsense. First of all, there is no chaos in Zimbabwe. We are going about our daily lives as we normally do. The President was even capping graduates at the Zimbabwe Open University this afternoon. See? Nothing amiss here. No need to lose your damn minds. Let our military do their thing in peace (whatever that thing is, Lord only knows) and stop creating unnecessary noise for them. And those people outside of Zimbabwe or who are not Zimbabwean who are all over social media. Those of you who are being supportive, thank you. We appreciate you more than you will ever know at this weird time. You guys rock! Those of you who are condescending pricks and want to tell us how we should be feeling or what we should be doing or trying to explain to us what is going on here…..kindly fuck all the way off. Thank you.

In all this though, Zimbos still have a stellar sense of humour. The amount of jokes and puns that have going around are funny the heck! I think is our coping mechanism. We can make jokes out of anything. Is that always a good thing? I don’t know.

Anyway, however this cookie will end up crumbling, I will always love my country and my countrymen. If the result is positive, let us build our country and make sure we NEVER EVER get to this stage again. Even if the result is not what we want, we are to keep pushing. To our military, we are behind you guys. We really don’t know what it is you are up to, but for some strange reason, most of us are behind you 100%. To be honest, I would like to believe that most Zimbabweans don’t really care which party is ruling as long as they are taking care of us, the people. Make sure we have good infrastructure, good medical care, good education, jobs, and a sustainable economy. That is all we ask. Is that too much? I think not.

Oh yes. Zimbabweans. Don’t let this distract you from registering to vote. REGISTER TO VOTE!

But yoh, this is stressful as fuck guys.

I need some vodka. A lot of it.



Emancipation from mental slavery still needed

I’m following this post on Facebook where some ladies are sharing some of the worst customer service experiences they’ve had. Many of the complaints are about the poor service from government departments, evil nurses and till operators with stinky attitudes. Several people are also complaining about waiters who give different quality of service to different kinds of people. To be specific, black waiters who give crappy service to black diners but fall all over themselves when serving white diners. This is something I have personally observed and experienced, especially here in Zimbabwe. What is that all about though? You will walk into an establishment, wait around for someone to show you to your table, wait again for someone to give you your menu and wait several eons for someone to take your order. Someone will take a trip to the moon and back before you get your food. Let white diners walk in. Some of the waiters literally want to fight each other to serve them. Is this a tipping issue? Because if I’ve heard that white people do generally tip better than black people. But even if that is the issue, do you not think you are more likely to actually get a tip for giving me good service than acting like you’re doing me a favour or like I’m bothering you somehow? Again I will say I personally have noticed this thing with the waiters stands out more in Zimbabwe. I really haven’t noticed it that much anywhere else.

maidsOk. Let’s leave the waiters. Let us talk about maids, or to be PC, “helpers”. I have come across several posts on social media where black maids that work for black employers were complaining that they feel abused and degraded because they had been asked to wear uniforms by their employers. “Why should I be identified as a maid”? some of them were complaining. “Why am I not allowed to chill with the family and watch TV”? I mean some of the complaints were just ridiculous! Hello? You’re at work! Each job comes with it’s own terms and conditions. These are the same people who will happily sit at the back of a truck whilst their white employer rides with his pets in the front. Happily!

What is this thing that makes my fellow black people still think they need to please white quote-bob-marley-emancipate-yourselves-from-mental-slavery-none-but-89060people and treat their fellow blacks like trash? There are so many examples of this. I am in no way saying that whites should also be treated like trash. What I am saying is that everyone should be treated EQUALLY. My money is just a good as the next white person. Bob Marley’s Redemption Song comes to mind. We as black people, really need to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds!

What other examples of this silliness have you come across? Do you know any waiters or helpers? Tag them in this post so they can tell us what the story is. Who knows, maybe they have legitimate reasons…

They call it Africa. We, call it HOME.

Hey lovelies. I’ve been busy with exams and so haven’t had much time to post. I’m almost finished though so I’ll be making a comeback soon! Today is Africa day I thought I’d repost my Africa Day post from last year. Enjoy!


Today is Africa Day. I’m quite sure a lot of my non-African readers (and indeed a good number Africans!) don’t really know WHY there is an Africa Day and so I shall copy and paste Wikipedia’s brief explanation:

“Africa Day is the annual commemoration on May 25 of the 1963 founding of the Organisation of African Unity (OAU). On this day, leaders of 30 of the 32 independent African states signed a founding charter in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. In 1991, the OAU established the African Economic Community, and in 2002 the OAU established its own successor, the African Union. However, the name and date of Africa Day has been retained as a celebration of African unity”.

Great. Now that we all know what Africa Day is about, I thought today I’d post about all the things I love about Africa and being African. The mainstream media always, always likes to report the worst things about our beautiful continent (yeah, big surprise, Africa is actually a CONTINENT) Yes, we have a lot of negative things in Africa, I don’t deny that. But today is all about celebrating our motherland. In that spirit, here are 12 things I love about Africa and being African.

1. Full of hope. Africans are the most hopeful people I know.

Our smiles are never far
Our smiles are never far

Despite all the real issues most Africans on continent face daily, we always, always have hope that tomorrow things will be better. Our beautiful smiles are never far.

2. Friendliest people ever. If we all want to be honest, we will admit that Africans are the friendliest people on the planet. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know you. We will always engage you, make you feel welcome and help you out in any way we can.

3. Ubuntu/Hunhu. This is basically our sense of “human-ness”. The sense that we are all one and that we are responsible for each other’s well being. That we need to look out for each other, take care of each other and make sure everyone is ok. Africans are generally not individualists. We have a great sense of community.

4. Fantastic weather. This is especially true of my home country Zimbabwe. You’ll be hard pressed to find better weather, all year round anywhere else on this globe!

5. Mild to no natural disasters. Earthquakes, tornadoes, severe weather of any kind. How often have we heard of any of this happening in Africa?

6. Mineral wealth. Oil. Gold. Diamonds. You name it. Africa has it in abundance.  Africa is the most mineral rich continent. Since I said I’m only ficusing on the positive things I love about my continent today, I shall stop there!

7. “Brown skin, you know I love your brown skin….” I used to love that India Arie song! I love our beautiful brown skin as Africans. We come in so many gorgeous shades. We don’t need to lie in the sun for hours to get that lovely golden hue or that sexy chocolate complexion. From the seductively dark skins in West Africa to the yellow/orange tones of the Khoisan in Southern Africa, we are all beautiful.

8. We can dance y’all! No-one, absolutely NO-ONE can out dance an African! We are physically very flexible and have mad rhythm!

Show me an African who doesn’t know the Azonto…!

9. Our music. Our music. Our music. Oh my. Our music! Whether it’s from Eastern, Western, Northern or Southern Africa, there’s just something about African music that really speaks to your soul. You can’t help but move your body. Salif Keita, Ishmael Lo, Angelique Kidjo, Fela Kuti, MiCasa, Oliver Mtukudzi, Yvonne Chaka Chaka, Mafikizolo, Jaziel Brothers. These are just a few of my favourite African musicians. We are truly musically blessed in Africa.

Ismael Lo – Jammu Africa

10. Endless opportunities in Africa. If you are a business woman/man, you will know that Africa is THE market to be in now. There are so many exciting developments happening daily, it’s actually unreal!

11. Breath-taking scenery. From the amazing pyramids in Egypt to the majestic Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe and Zambia and everywhere in between, Africa’s beauty will feed your eyes and senses until you can’t handle it anymore!

12. I’ll just leave these pictures here. They are self explanatory….

I would have wanted to post Standard Bank video from where I got the name of this post but it is protected hence I cannot. But check it out on YouTube, it is one of my favourite adverts and emphasises what I said earlier about the exciting business opportunities across Africa as well as our incessant hope for a better tomorrow as Africans.

If you are African, let me know in the comments section what makes YOU proud to be African.

Happy Africa Day all and may God forever bless our beloved continent!

Being a muroora (daughter-in-law) in 2015

I had a hilarious and interesting discussion on Twitter with a few friends the other evening on what’s expected from a black Zimbabwean daughter-in-law, especially the first time she goes to the husband’s “kumusha”. For my readers outside of Zimbabwe, when a woman gets married, she is expected to go to her in-law’s home and carry out some daughter-in-law “duties”. If her in-laws live in the rural areas, these duties include fetching firewood, getting water for the entire family from a well which can be goodness knows how many kilometres away, cooking on an open fire and even killing a chicken or heaven forbid a goat and of course cooking it.

Now, my issue with the above scenario is this; I really want to understand why people still place so much importance on doing things the old fashioned way? Take me for example. I did not grow up in the rural areas. I have never gone to fetch wood. I can’t carry a big bucket of water with my hands never mind put it on my head and cooking on an open fire is a bit of a nightmare . In such a scenario, why can my husband and I not do the following:

  • Buy a portable gas stove for the cooking. No more cooking on the open fire and getting smoke in my eyes.
  • Get a borehole installed as well as a water tank. No more disasters with buckets full of water
  • Look. I’m not trying to kill any living thing bigger than a fly so this killing chickens business? Nah. This is 2015. Let that sink in for minute. 2015. Why can’t I just bring my chicken pieces from the supermarket? I don’t think there really is a valid reason to be honest.

It makes 110% sense why daughters-in-law were required to do all this in the past. I guess because they would be going to start their own homes in similar settings, the in-laws possibly wanted to make sure that she could take care of their son (not that the guy was expected to do anything to show that HE could also take care of HER but that’s a story for another day!) However, this is 2015, surely we should be embracing whatever technology makes our lives easier right?

I have no problems with cooking and cleaning for and showing off your domestic prowess to your in-laws but lets not try and make each other’s lives unnecessarily difficult.  Surely if I’m not going to go and stay in the rural areas then I should be able to do whatever makes life easier for both them and myself right? Yes, let’s keep our traditions but let’s also incorporate technology and move with the times right?

What do you guys think?