Tag Archives: African Men

Why the modern woman allegedly cannot submit to her husband

So this morning I woke up to this interesting discussion on Twitter.  ZiFM asked why it is the modern woman finds it difficult to submit to her husband. Answers from most of the guys ranged from blaming equal rights, women watching too much TV, women being too materialistic and women not following the Bible’s instruction to submitting to their husbands (notice how not one of them put an ounce of blame on themselves) *rolls eyes* Now, I am not married and this post is MY opinion on the matter. I’m also a Christian so I will be making references to Biblical principles once or twice.

I think for us to answer this question, we need to really define what it means to be submissive, not what some people want it to mean. The first definition when you google the word submission is “the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”. I’ve noticed a lot of people, especially guys, who know nothing about what’s in the Bible somehow all know that verse that says wives should submit to their husbands lol. Below is that verse in it’s context because somehow the following bit about the husbands loving their wives and being capable leaders seems to get lost in translation. Please read the text before and after to get a full appreciation of what the couple and not just the wife is being asked to do.

Screenshot 2016-01-22 00.20.53

I’m not going to conduct a Bible study class here and have an in-depth analysis of what all this means. However, I’d like to believe that any person of standard intelligence can deduce that yes, the wife is being instructed to submit to her husband but the husband is also being instructed to love his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That last bit I’ve highlighted is loaded yo! Guys, are you seeing this? Can you do what Christ did for you for your wife??? It is my opinion that one cannot happen without the other. Without love there is not respect and vice versa. Submission here does not mean say yes to everything and question nothing. It does not mean you are your husbands slave. It does not mean you are his property to use and discard like some random inanimate object. What it simply means is that he is entitled to receiving the respect that is due to him as the head of the house.

Personally, I have no problem with submitting to my future husband. If it is what makes him happy, I will have no problem with kneeling before him to give him his food or whatever (because you can kneel before a man for various other reasons hahaha) BUT this will only happen if I respect and love this man and I am assured that he is there for me, that he has my back, that he is a capable leader of our family, a good father to our children, my protector, lover and friend. Without that haulume shasha. Guys, let me let you in on a secret, if you genuinely do the above for your women, respect and submission is automatic no doubt. You won’t even have  to ask. Munoitirwa minana mudzimba umo and you will have a permanent smile on your face. But it’s a two way thing, it’s give and take.

Now, the problem I see these days is that a lot of people do not want to move with the times and realise that we are now in 2016 and not 1916. In our grandmother’s era or indeed even some of our mother’s times, women did not have as much choice to do what they wanted to do with their lives. A lot of them did not get any education past their “O” Levels. They were expected to get married before 25 and start a family, stay at home and look after their husbands and children. The men are the ones who went out to work and bring home the bacon. A lot of these women depended on their husbands for their well being such that whatever the husband said was law. If he cheated or abused her, she stayed “for the kids” and also because her family would most probably tell her to go back to her husband. Fast forward to now and women are a lot more self sufficient. We are educated and employed. If my husband abuses me, I have the option to leave him and still be able to look after myself and my children. I can question what he says because guess what? I am also a thinking human being with a God given brain. Unfortunately, a lot of men think that when a woman questions them, she is “refusing to submit”. Erm, no daddy, I’m questioning you so I can understand better and I might even have a better idea!

The way I see it, instead of also growing and developing together with their women, a lot of men are behaving like toddlers that are walking a few steps behind their mommy. They stop and start screaming that they’ve been left behind instead of running along and catching up. Guys, times have changed. We are not going back to 1950 mufunge. Y’all need to step up your game and get with the programme because I promise you, most women, even the most die hard feminists will respect a man who is exactly that, a man. The problem is a lot of guys think that having different reproductive organs from a woman automatically entitles them to respect and submission. Men don’t want to be men but want the benefits of a man.

I used think my views on this topic are utopian but then I have come across the kinds of men I would have no problems submitting to so I KNOW they exist. For example, check this brother out. He gets it. He was talking a lot of sense throughout the discussion:

 

Someone recently accused me of hating men because I regularly call them out (I don’t, I love men, I actually get along with guys much more than girls…but that’s a story for another day) So to dispel such myths, I’m also going to talk to my sisters. Ladies, I think when you get married, get married for the right reasons. Get married to a man you love and respect already and who you know has the potential to be the man you need in your life. I’ve seen women get married to someone just because he is rich and then a year down the line she can’t stand the sight of him. Hakuna respect inobuda ipapo! Also ladies, in as much as we are now self sufficient and independent, I think we need to remember that this relationship business is teamwork. If you want it to work, we need to understand that the way men and women operate is different. Our needs and wants are different. Men need respect and to have their egos rubbed. We need to feel protected and loved (let me say many of us at least before I get ripped to shreds by the extreme feminists!).

In conclusion, I think both men and women need to stop pointing fingers at each other for not getting the kind of relationships they need and want. tumblr_nijftwZGjk1rmmq74o1_1280For any relationship to work teamwork and communication are key. Know what the other party needs and try your best to provide that.

This is such a huge topic that would require a lot more discussion I think but I always try to make my blog posts as short as possible to keep y’all actually interested! As always, I want to know what you guys think about this? Add your comments in the comments section below!

Anything to satisfy men in bed…

We’ve all heard the old saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. Ruth K. Westheimer in her book Sex For Dummies however, begs to differ and says “…unless you only ask men living in a retirement community, I don’t think you’ll find the majority in agreement!” Women in Southern Africa and Zimbabwean women as well it seems, heartily support Ms Westheimer! After much research and digging, I learnt about a whole plethora of activities and practices that women undertake in order to make sure their men are sexually satisfied. These things range from the absurd to the down-right shocking that will leave you with your mouth agape! All this in a bid to keep our men satisfied and hopefully keep them from straying. However, we all know that if a man wants to cheat or stray, he will. It doesn’t matter if you “do it” with him monkey style or perform all sorts of gymnastics in bed. This then begs the question if all the trouble women go through is really worth it? Do the men really care? Does it make a difference to them? What really do they expect from us?

Before we get to whether the men actually care or not, let us take a look at some of the undertakings, procedures and activities that women go through in order to make themselves into sex goddesses.

Chinamwari

Originally, this is a Zambian concept called Chinamwali. In Zimbabwe, this translates to what is called “chikapa”. It comprises several sessions where older women teach younger women and brides to be how to deal with the ups and downs of married life, including of course, how to satisfy your husband in bed. Here in Zimbabwe, these sessions usually happen at kitchen tea parties and bridal showers. These elderly, experienced ladies are also available for hire to those who want more private and intense lessons. Now if you were mesmerised by Shakira’s hips trust me, she has absolutely nothing on these ladies. They have more flexibility than a bendy roller! The first time you see them move you think it is impossible for you to do the same thing but they assure you that practise makes perfect. Lessons include how to seduce your man as well as how to handle business during the actual act. In the practical lessons, items like razor blades, needles, knives, broken glass and thorns are placed underneath the pelvis of the naked initiate who must then move her waist as instructed. Lowering the pelvis onto the ground before the instructor says so is not an option as one will get the aforementioned cocktail of sharp objects stuck in your back. At the end of these lessons, one is awarded waist beads that show the level of training they have gone through.

Traditional waist beads vs the more modern take, gold waist chains.
Traditional waist beads vs the more modern take, gold waist chains.

Now a days, some women prefer to wear gold waist chains instead of the traditional beads.

Genital Manipulation

This entails pulling the labia minora which is meant to make sex more pleasurable for the man. The logic behind this is that the pulled labia slightly swells inwards, partially blocking the entrance to the vajay-jay and hence making it “tighter”.

Genital Inserts

Now this is where things get freaky. There is this slight obsession with making sure the woman’s vagina is not loose. It has to be kept as tight as possible otherwise neither party will experience much pleasure during sexual intercourse. I’m sure most of you have heard about kegel exercises whose purpose is to keep the pelvic muscles tight. Some women have gone a step further and taken to inserting weird and wonderful things into their privates all in a bid to keep their cookie tighter than tight. These items range from selected herbs, ice, vicks vapour rub (ouch!), talcum powder, household bleach (for real!) and sand! The craziest thing I was told was crystalized baboon urine!! Yes, you read right! Crystalized baboon urine (ewww)! Apparently, a baboon urinates on the same spot over and over again. Therefore over time, urine crystals form at that spot. The belief is that if you take that crystalized urine and stick it up your cookie, you man will keep coming back to errrm, the same spot!

Armed with all this very interesting information, I wanted to then find out if our men really care about all the antics we go through in order to please them? Do they expect their women to be well educated when it comes to bedroom issues and to be a regular nymphomaniac in between the sheets? Below are some of the responses from our local guys:

Tinashe, 26

I get scared when a women knows too much! Like, where did she learn all that? It makes her look like she is too experienced and therefore loose!

David, 30

Insert what? Where? *pretends to faint* Well, for me I think she should at least show some life when we are making love. She shouldn’t be a “danda” (Shona for log).

Mandla, 51

Yes, women should be taught how to please their men in bed. This is why there is so many divorces and so much cheating these days. It is because people are not satisfied in their matrimonial homes. Some of us know what it means when we see those beads around a woman’s waist. Those are the women we go after!

Nqobizita, 33

My uncle once dated this lady who had been pulling her labia minora so much they had become ridiculously long. He was absolutely disgusted and promptly dumped her. I also want my woman in her natural state. Not with these distorted body parts. Good sex is about the two of you understanding and pleasing each other. It is not meant to be one sided only.

John, 23

Women get taught what? John fails to finish the interview as he is laughing so hard!

Chris, 25

This is exactly why I like older women. They know their way around the bedroom. If you are with an older woman, you definitely know you are in for a good time as they know exactly what to do to you and how to do it! These young ones are clueless!

Thomas, 37

It is important that women are sent to these lessons at an early age. It is not all about sex but also how to behave once one is married. These educated women of today look down upon practises like this but us traditional men still value such teachings. I know of some young women that have been sent back to their parent’s homes to get the proper teaching on how to run a home and please your husband as they were clueless when they got married.

Tich, 28

I want a blank canvas. Someone I can teach myself. I also think the older generation put too much emphasis on pleasing us men. Sex is more fun if both are enjoying it so men should also make an effort to please their wives.

Donny, 36

I think it’s all about learning each other. Sometimes a man might not like what you have been taught at these Chinamwaris so you just need to learn what he wants. Women should also tell their men what they want so both enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you know nothing at the beginning. That is why marriage is a partnership where you learn each other.

So there you have it folks. It seems some men value these practises and some don’t. Personally, I tend to support the guys that say a relationship is a two way thing and both parties should make sure they learn each other in order to please each other. Also, I want to know if men go through as much hassle and are taught how to please their women in bed as well? (but that’s discussion for another day!)

What do you guys think about the way women are under pressure to please their men and what are some of the craziest things you have heard that people do?

Ciao!

*The names have been changed not to protect the interviewees but to protect the interviewer from the interviewees!

They call it Africa. We, call it home… :)

Today is Africa Day. I’m quite sure a lot of my non-African readers (and indeed a good number Africans!) don’t really know WHY there is an Africa Day and so I shall copy and paste Wikipedia’s brief explanation:

“Africa Day is the annual commemoration on May 25 of the 1963 founding of the Organisation of African Unity (OAU). On this day, leaders of 30 of the 32 independent African states signed a founding charter in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. In 1991, the OAU established the African Economic Community, and in 2002 the OAU established its own successor, the African Union. However, the name and date of Africa Day has been retained as a celebration of African unity”.

Great. Now that we all know what Africa Day is about, I thought today I’d post about all the things I love about Africa and being African. The mainstream media always, always likes to report the worst things about our beautiful continent (yeah, big surprise, Africa is actually a CONTINENT) Yes, we have a lot of negative things in Africa, I don’t deny that. But today is all about celebrating our motherland. In that spirit, here are 12 things I love about Africa and being African.

1. Full of hope. Africans are the most hopeful people I know.

Our smiles are never far
Our smiles are never far

Despite all the real issues most Africans on continent face daily, we always, always have hope that tomorrow things will be better. Our beautiful smiles are never far.

2. Friendliest people ever. If we all want to be honest, we will admit that Africans are the friendliest people on the planet. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know you. We will always engage you, make you feel welcome and help you out in any way we can.

3. Ubuntu/Hunhu. This is basically our sense of “human-ness”. The sense that we are all one and that we are responsible for each other’s well being. That we need to look out for each other, take care of each other and make sure everyone is ok. Africans are generally not individualists. We have a great sense of community.

4. Fantastic weather. This is especially true of my home country Zimbabwe. You’ll be hard pressed to find better weather, all year round anywhere else on this globe!

5. Mild to no natural disasters. Earthquakes, tornadoes, severe weather of any kind. How often have we heard of any of this happening in Africa?

6. Mineral wealth. Oil. Gold. Diamonds. You name it. Africa has it in abundance.  Africa is the most mineral rich continent. Since I said I’m only ficusing on the positive things I love about my continent today, I shall stop there!

7. “Brown skin, you know I love your brown skin….” I used to love that India Arie song! I love our beautiful brown skin as Africans. We come in so many gorgeous shades. We don’t need to lie in the sun for hours to get that lovely golden hue or that sexy chocolate complexion. From the seductively dark skins in West Africa to the yellow/orange tones of the Khoisan in Southern Africa, we are all beautiful.

8. We can dance y’all! No-one, absolutely NO-ONE can out dance an African! We are physically very flexible and have mad rhythm!

Show me an African who doesn’t know the Azonto…!

9. Our music. Our music. Our music. Oh my. Our music! Whether it’s from Eastern, Western, Northern or Southern Africa, there’s just something about African music that really speaks to your soul. You can’t help but move your body. Salif Keita, Ishmael Lo, Angelique Kidjo, Fela Kuti, MiCasa, Oliver Mtukudzi, Yvonne Chaka Chaka, Mafikizolo, Jaziel Brothers. These are just a few of my favourite African musicians. We are truly musically blessed in Africa.

Ismael Lo – Jammu Africa

10. Endless opportunities in Africa. If you are a business woman/man, you will know that Africa is THE market to be in now. There are so many exciting developments happening daily, it’s actually unreal!

11. Breath-taking scenery. From the amazing pyramids in Egypt to the majestic Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe and Zambia and everywhere in between, Africa’s beauty will feed your eyes and senses until you can’t handle it anymore!

12. I’ll just leave these pictures here. They are self explanatory….

To finish off this post, let me share with you this Standard Bank video from where I got the name of this post.

This is one of my favourite adverts and emphasises what I said earlier about the exciting business opportunities across Africa as well as our incessant hope for a better tomorrow as Africans.

If you are African, let me know in the comments section what makes YOU proud to be African.

Happy Africa Day all and may God forever bless our continent!