Tag Archives: men

Father’s Day is for Fathers. Period.

So today is Father’s Day. Happy Father’s Day to all the men out there! I was going through my Facebook timeline this morning and came across two interesting posts on two different pages that I follow. The two posts were quite similar. On the one page, someone had posted something to the tune of “Happy father’s day to all the single mums out there” and the post on the other page simply read “Single mothers are not fathers!” Tjoooo! The carnage that is in those two posts! 😂😂😂 People are ALL THE WAY UP in their feelings like you won’t believe. This is my opinion on this evidently huge matter: Father’s day is for fathers. Period.

4f76eac6-6e0a-44e9-8d73-8da1baa638eaI don’t know what is going on with a lot of my fellow womanfolk but it seems to me that alarming number of women are mistaking feminism and equality with misandry. I mean the venom in these posts is quite shocking. Listen, I understand that a lot of single mothers are not single mothers by choice. Most of the children raised by single mothers were fathered by dead beat males. These so called men simply donated their sperm and that’s about it. I also understand that a lot of people were brought up by single mothers who did try to play the role of both parents and worked damn hard for their families. But guess what? There actually are men out there who are great fathers and who take care of their families like a real man should. These are the men we are celebrating today. We are celebrating our dads, grandfathers, brothers, husbands and uncles who were and are still there for us. We are celebrating and encouraging those good men in our lives who know what it really means to be man. Our celebrating them takes absolutely NOTHING away from you as a single mother and as a brilliant parent. One very telling comment I saw went something like “Why celebrate these deadbeat fathers anyway? Why do we encourage them?” Ermm no honey. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would have a day to celebrate those kinds of men. Like I said before, this is a day to celebrate the real fathers out there. What I see is women who are hurting and are still nursing that pain from their douchebag baby daddies. Anything positive anyone says about men, they interpret as relating to their own situation and that particular male who put them in their current situation.

I have friends who are single mothers and I honestly think they are THE most amazing people in the world. I really do. The way they provide for their children. The unfortunate stigma that is attached to single mothers. And still they carry on heads held high. They provide EVERYTHING that their children need. They are indeed super-parents! But at the end of the day, they are not fathers. They are great MOTHERS. They are fabulous PARENTS. Just not fathers. This doesn’t mean they are any less of a parent. It simply means they are not a father. They may play the father’s role but they are not a father just like a man can never be a mother no matter how caring and nurturing he is. Yes?

31fc90e6b84af07c33b9e8d77bc40c034117b07eLet the great fathers have their day please. Let us encourage those that are doing it right to keep up the good work and also pass on these values to the next generation of men. It is only one day out of the year that they get publicly celebrated. I honestly really and truly do not understand what the fuss is about. Mother’s Day comes and goes peacefully and we celebrate all mothers nicely. I am yet to see single fathers demanding to be recognised on Mother’s Day. Why can’t we do the same for our men?

Forced/Rebound relationships

Hey y’all. How’s everybody doing today? So this morning I came across the below tweets floating around on my TL:

Screenshot 2016-03-03 18.13.37

Screenshot 2016-03-03 18.14.20

Screenshot 2016-03-03 18.14.58

Screenshot 2016-03-03 18.30.03

My first reaction was that of shock and disbelief. How dare he, I thought. What a mean human being! How can he be so cruel to his poor girlfriend? But then the more I though about it, the more I actually started to feel sorry for HIM. This guy is just saying his truth. He says he just woke up today with a heavy heart thinking about this. He sounds a bit stuck really. I’m not sure I agree with him tweeting about it though because idiots are aplenty on this planet and I guarantee you someone has already made sure his girlfriend sees these tweets (he says she herself is not on Twitter).

rebound-relationshipsAnyway, he got me wondering about people and relationships. I wonder how many people are in relationships and feel like this? Pining away after your ex? Or after the person that you really love but can’t be with for whatever reason. Imagine the poor girlfriend though. She most probably thinks she’s in the greatest relationship ever and yet this guy really and truly doesn’t love her. He’s just there because she is a good person and he believes she deserves to be happy (also because he was initially attracted to her because she reminds him of his ex lol). I don’t know. I don’t have much experience with real, deep relationships so maybe my point of view is too romanticised? But I’m thinking this is one of the ways unhappy marriages and ultimately  unhappy households are created. Imagine these two get married and have kids. It may take some time but I’m sure this woman will realise this guy simply does not love her. He may do everything for her and provide for her but if he doesn’t LOVE her SHE WILL KNOW. What happens when the woman he really does love decides she wants to give it a go again? Will he remain faithful to the one he doesn’t love? Will he leave her? Will they start an affair? What if he then meets the real love of his life later and he’s now stuck with a wife he doesn’t love and a family? Will he sacrifice his happiness for them? Too much unnecessary drama methinks.

I know he didn’t ask for our advice but I think he should quit while he’s ahead. Let this other girl go. Yes she’ll be hurt but she’ll get over it and move on. Better now than years and a wedding and babies down the line. Also, he says his pride (and most probably hers too) is what’s getting in the way of him getting back together with the ex. This little thing called pride is troublesome I tell you! I don’t know why they broke up with the ex but it seems to me that he wants to try again with her but won’t because pride.

The same goes for those people who get married because the woman is pregnant and are unlikely to have done so if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. Is it possible to learn to love someone because you have no choice? I think a lot of these people end up being promiscuous because they just can’t stand to go home to the person they’re “stuck” with forever.

What do you guys think? Am I romanticising relationships too much? Are most relationships like this where one party is not in it 100%? Can you really last a  lifetime with someone you married just because they got pregnant but you didn’t really love them (or you are the one that got pregnant)? Can you “learn” to love someone? Can a relationship last where there is no love but one party is there because they feel sorry for the other? Why can’t people just swallow their pride, go forth and “seize the bae”?

Help me out here with your thoughts…

Why the modern woman allegedly cannot submit to her husband

So this morning I woke up to this interesting discussion on Twitter.  ZiFM asked why it is the modern woman finds it difficult to submit to her husband. Answers from most of the guys ranged from blaming equal rights, women watching too much TV, women being too materialistic and women not following the Bible’s instruction to submitting to their husbands (notice how not one of them put an ounce of blame on themselves) *rolls eyes* Now, I am not married and this post is MY opinion on the matter. I’m also a Christian so I will be making references to Biblical principles once or twice.

I think for us to answer this question, we need to really define what it means to be submissive, not what some people want it to mean. The first definition when you google the word submission is “the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”. I’ve noticed a lot of people, especially guys, who know nothing about what’s in the Bible somehow all know that verse that says wives should submit to their husbands lol. Below is that verse in it’s context because somehow the following bit about the husbands loving their wives and being capable leaders seems to get lost in translation. Please read the text before and after to get a full appreciation of what the couple and not just the wife is being asked to do.

Screenshot 2016-01-22 00.20.53

I’m not going to conduct a Bible study class here and have an in-depth analysis of what all this means. However, I’d like to believe that any person of standard intelligence can deduce that yes, the wife is being instructed to submit to her husband but the husband is also being instructed to love his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That last bit I’ve highlighted is loaded yo! Guys, are you seeing this? Can you do what Christ did for you for your wife??? It is my opinion that one cannot happen without the other. Without love there is not respect and vice versa. Submission here does not mean say yes to everything and question nothing. It does not mean you are your husbands slave. It does not mean you are his property to use and discard like some random inanimate object. What it simply means is that he is entitled to receiving the respect that is due to him as the head of the house.

Personally, I have no problem with submitting to my future husband. If it is what makes him happy, I will have no problem with kneeling before him to give him his food or whatever (because you can kneel before a man for various other reasons hahaha) BUT this will only happen if I respect and love this man and I am assured that he is there for me, that he has my back, that he is a capable leader of our family, a good father to our children, my protector, lover and friend. Without that haulume shasha. Guys, let me let you in on a secret, if you genuinely do the above for your women, respect and submission is automatic no doubt. You won’t even have  to ask. Munoitirwa minana mudzimba umo and you will have a permanent smile on your face. But it’s a two way thing, it’s give and take.

Now, the problem I see these days is that a lot of people do not want to move with the times and realise that we are now in 2016 and not 1916. In our grandmother’s era or indeed even some of our mother’s times, women did not have as much choice to do what they wanted to do with their lives. A lot of them did not get any education past their “O” Levels. They were expected to get married before 25 and start a family, stay at home and look after their husbands and children. The men are the ones who went out to work and bring home the bacon. A lot of these women depended on their husbands for their well being such that whatever the husband said was law. If he cheated or abused her, she stayed “for the kids” and also because her family would most probably tell her to go back to her husband. Fast forward to now and women are a lot more self sufficient. We are educated and employed. If my husband abuses me, I have the option to leave him and still be able to look after myself and my children. I can question what he says because guess what? I am also a thinking human being with a God given brain. Unfortunately, a lot of men think that when a woman questions them, she is “refusing to submit”. Erm, no daddy, I’m questioning you so I can understand better and I might even have a better idea!

The way I see it, instead of also growing and developing together with their women, a lot of men are behaving like toddlers that are walking a few steps behind their mommy. They stop and start screaming that they’ve been left behind instead of running along and catching up. Guys, times have changed. We are not going back to 1950 mufunge. Y’all need to step up your game and get with the programme because I promise you, most women, even the most die hard feminists will respect a man who is exactly that, a man. The problem is a lot of guys think that having different reproductive organs from a woman automatically entitles them to respect and submission. Men don’t want to be men but want the benefits of a man.

I used think my views on this topic are utopian but then I have come across the kinds of men I would have no problems submitting to so I KNOW they exist. For example, check this brother out. He gets it. He was talking a lot of sense throughout the discussion:

 

Someone recently accused me of hating men because I regularly call them out (I don’t, I love men, I actually get along with guys much more than girls…but that’s a story for another day) So to dispel such myths, I’m also going to talk to my sisters. Ladies, I think when you get married, get married for the right reasons. Get married to a man you love and respect already and who you know has the potential to be the man you need in your life. I’ve seen women get married to someone just because he is rich and then a year down the line she can’t stand the sight of him. Hakuna respect inobuda ipapo! Also ladies, in as much as we are now self sufficient and independent, I think we need to remember that this relationship business is teamwork. If you want it to work, we need to understand that the way men and women operate is different. Our needs and wants are different. Men need respect and to have their egos rubbed. We need to feel protected and loved (let me say many of us at least before I get ripped to shreds by the extreme feminists!).

In conclusion, I think both men and women need to stop pointing fingers at each other for not getting the kind of relationships they need and want. tumblr_nijftwZGjk1rmmq74o1_1280For any relationship to work teamwork and communication are key. Know what the other party needs and try your best to provide that.

This is such a huge topic that would require a lot more discussion I think but I always try to make my blog posts as short as possible to keep y’all actually interested! As always, I want to know what you guys think about this? Add your comments in the comments section below!

A woman’s purpose: To find and keep a man…-__-

You know, I was in the middle of writing another post but I just had to get this out of my system. I’ve been seeing the below April Mason video floating around on Facebook and I hadn’t watched it because it’s like 50 friggin minutes long but I had some time today and I decided to watch it.

Right. Now she starts this video off by saying she’s pissed off about some report she saw on Al Jazeera talking about how African American women are the least likely to get married demographic in America. She then goes on to explain why she thinks that is so and what the ladies are doing wrong that’s putting the “men” off. Now, this is what pisses me off. Why the hell do we have like a zillion of these videos that tell women what they’re doing wrong and what they should do so that the get married? Where are the videos telling men what it means to be a damn man and how to treat and take of women? Where are those videos? Have you ever seen one? I sure haven’t and if you have it’s most probably one. And it’s not just these videos. It’s everywhere, in magazines, television, social media, everywhere! Why are we expected to bend over backwards for these people who no-one tells/teaches/preaches to on how to take care of us? Patriarchy much?

In my opinion, a lot of women have become “independent women” because they realise they will get nowhere trying to depend on or even working as a team with some of these men. Men need to up their game and step up. To those few men that are holding it down for their ladies and are not intimidated by a woman who wants it all, please, teach your brothers how it’s done (because those men ARE out there although they’re about as common as unicorns!)! I for one am sick and tired of people always going on about how to treat a man, how to get a good man, how to keep a man. Teach these men how to treat a woman, how recognise and get a good woman and how to keep her!

As much as I agree with one or two the points made in April’s video, the tone in which some things where said I did not agree with e.g the way a woman’s education is kind of just dismissed or in her words “those things are just a bonus”. I won’t comment in this post though or else you’ll need as much time to read this post as you need to watch that video lol. (Please DO watch the video and let me know your thoughts in the comments section)

Enjoy!

12 obvious signs you’re dating a married man

Ladies. This one is for you. This is an article I came across on www.destinyconnect.com which I am just going to copy and paste. When I read this I thought this was all ridiculously obvious stuff just like the title says. But then I thought it’s obvious to me because of my years of experience (lol!), but it may not be so obvious to other ladies, especially my younger, less experienced readers. So check it out ladies and let me know if you have ever unknowingly dated a married dude and how you ended up finding out. Enjoy!

You may be dating a married man without realising it, but the signs are there if you know what to look for . . .

Every woman has met their fair share of dodgy guys. For example, the type who sweeps you off your feet and then, just days later, acts like a complete stranger. You’re left wondering if you were just a one-night stand or if you said something that put him off you forever. Half the time, it wasn’t anything you did or said – he’s just preoccupied with his other life (the one he’d move mountains to protect).

Sarah Symonds, former mistress and author of the controversial Having an Affair? A Handbook for the Other Woman says the signs that you’re dating a married man are usually painfully obvious. You may wonder, for instance, why he always pays for everything with cash instead of his bank card. It’s simply because he wouldn’t want any paper trail linked back to his affair.

Some women see the signs, but turn a blind eye because he’s that ‘Denzel Washington type’ that you’ve been praying for your whole life.

Here are the top 12 warning signs that will tell you he’s probably already taken:

  • You met at a social gathering . . . Men, although not all, usually go to bars, parties and boys nights out hoping to strike it lucky. Comedian Loyiso Gola once said that women must be super suspicious of those guys who approach them at a party at 3am when the mood is dying down and everyone’s preparing to go home. Be especially cautious if the guy is very quick to whip out his phone to save your number.
  • His ring finger is two-toned . . . If you meet him in a nightclub setting for instance, it’ll be difficult to see that untanned ring on his finger where his wedding band usually sits. But if you’re fortunate enough to meet him in broad daylight, stretch out your hand to indicate how pleased you are to meet him, then grab this chance to look for any evidence of a ring tan mark. Doing this before you look at his shoes or belt, to check if he’s your type, will save you from heartbreak down the line.
  • He never answers certain calls in front of you . . . He doesn’t know you well enough to ascertain whether or not you have psychotic tendencies, so he’ll never risk losing his family by speaking to his wife in front of you. The same goes for replying to your texts and WhatsApps. He’ll read them, but will only respond hours or even days later! Just to prevent you nagging, he may even deactivate the blue ticks in his WhatsApp settings (the option that tells you when someone has read your messages).
  • He only ever calls during the day, while at the garage filling his car or on his way somewhere, but never after he’s just woken up . . . Ever heard of the six-to-six rule? Your new man will never call you before 6am or after 6pm, and in doing so, he’s also teaching you that he’s not available outside of those times. If he’s a travelling businessman, you may find that when he’s out of town, all of a sudden he’s generous with evening calls.
  • His date requests are always unplanned and very rushed . . . You could go days without hearing from this guy and then suddenly he’ll call on a Monday afternoon and ask you to meet him at a restaurant on the outskirts of town. I mean what are the chances that you’ll bump into someone he knows there? That’s another red flag. He always decides on the venue and it’s usually somewhere where you won’t find crowds or a lot of activity, like a five-star hotel bar. Also, his weekends are out of bounds because that time is set aside for his first lady and the children.
  • He has multiple cellphone numbers . . . And this is not to say that you should be highly suspicious of any guy who has three numbers or two phones, but you should be if he refuses to give you his other numbers or if the number that you have is constantly off. Furthermore, his text messages to you are always professional and bear no sign of a romantic relationship. This is his way of covering his back should he ever get caught!
  • He discusses current affairs more than his personal life . . . Does your partner play his cards close to his chest, never giving away too much about his friends, his family or what he does for a living? This is merely to protect himself in case you know some of the people in his life or go digging into his past.
  • He avoids talking about your future together . . . This is only because he doesn’t want to be insensitive, or honest and tell you there isn’t one.
  • He’s never invited you to his place . . . There’s a good reason why he won’t ever invite you to his home, and it’s not because it’s untidy as he keeps telling you! He always insists on carrying out your romantic escapades at your place. “It’s more convenient because your linen is always so crisp and clean,” he says. And he never wants to spend the night and cuddle, because he’d rather face your anger than infuriate his wife and raise her suspicions by missing ‘curfew’. Besides, you knowing where he lives would be a dangerous move in case you showed up at his house unannounced on those many occasions when he’s mysteriously not answering your calls or messages.
  • His social media accounts are very discreet . . . How many times have you met someone you thought could be a potential boyfriend and then went straight to Facebook to cyberstalk him? A cheating married man knows that an active social media account is as good as going on a radio station to talk about his life. Firstly, you will expect the two of you to be friends or even follow each other on these social media platforms. Worst of all, you may even want to tag him in your pictures and show the world he’s yours, when these are the very things he’s trying to avoid. Even if he has a social media account, it probably doesn’t even have a profile picture and his status was last updated three years ago.
  • He told you he was in the process of finalising his divorce . . . This right here, is the most popular lie spread by married men who want to con women into falling for them. Anyone who is in the process of finalising a divorce should have no trouble letting you in on what’s happening in his life, right? If he continues doing all of the above, even after this confession, know that his wife is still very much his Mrs.
  • There’s never any celebration of special occasions in your relationship . . . Because he’d rather be caught dead than pose for pictures with you. If he won’t even tell you when his birthday is, perhaps it’s time you moved on to someone who will willingly erect a billboard on the freeway proclaiming his love for you.

Sources: Dr Phil.com, CouplesCounselingChicaho.net, foxnews.com, Huffington Post