Tag Archives: self love

Get to know me a little bit better ;)

I am an exceedingly private person. Extremely private. Those who think they know me don’t actually know me. They only know what I choose to allow them to know. I think I can safely say the only person who knows me more than anyone else is my mother and even then I have caught myself several times thinking “Mmmm, you really don’t know me that well do you mummy”. As such, you will never find an extremely personal blog post from me. However, this is where we have a plot twist today. This is going to be the most personal post I have ever put up. The reason for this you will find as you read along. Also, I know I am THE biggest advocate for short blog posts but please bear with me on this one because it’s going to be long!

I attended this customer service training session a few days ago and someone talked about this management training session he had attended and how they did this personality test which he had found quite useful. That reminded me of the post I had done on the 16 Personalities Test about a year ago. I re-read my results for the test and I’m still floored by the absolute accuracy of my test results. The reason why it hit me so hard is that I had been really searching inside myself for the past few years trying to figure out who I was and what I was doing with my life. I was feeling that although I had a good job and money in the bank, I was lacking something. I felt like I had no meaning or purpose. Who was I and what was I supposed to do with my life? I kept praying and asking God to help me because I was just feeling increasingly dejected. Then I went for this work related Communication Skills workshop facilitated by Rachel Nyaradzo Adams and this is where I got know about this test. The funny thing is she didn’t even dwell on it for long. I think she just gave us the URL and asked to take the test if we were more interested in learning more about ourselves. She has no idea how much she helped changed my life 🙂 (By the way, Rachel is absolutely brilliant at what she does. If you or your organisation need training done, she is your person. Click on her name to check out her website).

I took the test two or three times for good measure and each time the results were exactly the same. My personality type is INTJ (-A/-T) or “The Architect”. You should have seen me reading those test results lol. I could not BELIEVE how accurate they were about me and almost every aspect of my life. To me it was like God saying “Hey, you’ve been asking, so here’s something to help you understand yourself better and calm your spirit”. So, let me share the parts that really blew me away with you. The reason why I have decided to share this with you now in more detail than my initial post is that I believe I’m not the only one who was a bit lost and not knowing what I was doing. I hope somebody else who takes this test reaps as much benefit from it as I did 🙂

GENERAL

So, apparently INTJ’s make up only 2% of the world’s population and female INTJ’s only 0.8% of the world’s population. You guys have NO idea how thrilled I was to know this. I’m not weird after all! I just have one of the rarest personality types. Look up the word paradox in the dictionary and you will surely find my picture there! Now I know why I’m most probably one of the most complex people you will ever meet. When it comes to relationships, I have always said to myself that I am a rare find and now I know why!

INTJs are also regularly referred to a “lone wolves” and I’m definitely one of those. I don’t do things just because everyone else is doing it. I absolutely LOATHE crowds and places with too many people. I also love love my own company and I will climb the walls if I don’t regularly get me-time to recharge my batteries.

“People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy”. This is true. The amazingly curious part is spot on. My brain is like this bottomless pit. I always want to know stuff. Anything. Everything.

We are also very, very observant people. My mom is always amazed at how I take in so much information in so little time. We’ll meet someone for a few minutes and afterwards I’ll be like, “Did you see that guy’s big nose? And those long nails? Did you notice how he can’t keep eye contact? Why was his shirt not ironed? Did you notice how his third shirt button was undone? Does that guy have his eyebrows done? That belt doesn’t match the rest of his outfit. Did you see? Did you see? Did you see???” and my mom will just be like “Wazviona nguvai zvese izvozvo?” (When did you notice all that?)

Also, being an introvert, a lot if not all of the people who meet me for the first time think I’m either dull or a snob. If I had a dollar for each time someone has said to me “You know ,when I first met you I thought you were such a snob/bitch but you are really cool” or “I actually did not know you were this clever”, I would be a millionaire! An actual millionaire!

STRENGTHS

Quick, Imaginative and Strategic Mind. Sometimes, in fact most times it is frustrating when people don’t see things the same way as I do. I love a good challenge and solving complex problems.

Also, under “quick” I have this weird ability to read people very accurately. The whole “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” thing doesn’t work with me. 99% of the time all I need is 5 mins with a person I have never met and I will have them all figured out. Every single time I have pushed aside my initial impression of someone and thought I was, well, judging a book by it’s cover, I have always regretted it. I have now just learned to trust myself.

High Self-Confidence. I honestly believe I can do anything I put my mind to. I really do. I’m always disappointed at how a lot of people just give up on themselves. In my world, nothing is impossible!

Independent and Decisive. I am very decisive. Once I’ve decided on something, that’s it. Mountains will not sway me. Not that I’m usually wrong anyway 😛.

Hard-working and determined. If I believe in something, I will put in blood, sweat and tears. If I want something (or someone😁), I will not rest until I get it. And then it’s on to the next challenge. Unfortunately, I get bored easily.

Jacks-of-all-Trades. This is actually a problem for me. This is going to sound arrogant but whatever. I’m good at so many things it’s actually quite frustrating, even the things I don’t actually like! I’m only one person and I cannot be doing all these things. The problem is I usually end up not following through with anything because I’m trying to do everything at once. I’m working my way through this though and concentrating on my biggest passions more.

WEAKNESSES

Arrogant. INTJs are perfectly capable of carrying their confidence too far, falsely believing that they’ve resolved all the pertinent issues of a matter and closing themselves off to the opinions of those they believe to be intellectually inferior”. Look, I have to admit. It’s a problem I have and I am trying to more conscious of it. I don’t know if I come across as arrogant (do I?) but I do know I consider a lot of people to be inferior intellectually. I think I roll my eyes and say WTF like a hundred times a day! A lot of the time I feel as though I am this queen sitting on this high throne looking down on all these peasants lol. Ok that’s a tad extreme but like I said, I’m conscious of it now and I am trying to be more accommodating to more people and their views.

Overly analytical. Oh Lorrrrd. This is so me. I over think everything. And I mean everything. I hate having regrets of any kind and I guess this is why I always overthink things and try to make the best decision. I actually think I have OCD because I always want things to be perfect, at least perfect according to me.

Loathe highly structured environments. I hate being restricted. I hate being boxed in. I hate rigidity of any kind. So much so that I actually sleep naked most of the time because I feel pyjamas restrict my movement in bed. Sounds funny but it’s true. I think this is one of the reasons why I’m not married yet. I’m terrified of having to then conform to this idea of what the perfect wife is supposed to do and feel. I don’t want to feel suffocated. I’ve told God he’s going to have to give me a very open minded husband.

I also can’t stand people who won’t expand their minds and think of new ways of doing things. You know, the “we’ve always done things this way” crew. My mom is always laughing at me because of the way I like to try out new food and see new places and do new things. I’ll try anything once (except ox testicles). I want to experience everything. I hate monotony.

EMOTIONS

Under Emotions I’m just going to copy and paste a passage from the actual results which I think describes my emotional status better than I can:

“People with the INTJ personality type take pride in remaining rational and logical at all times, considering honesty and straightforward information to be paramount to euphemisms and platitudes in almost all circumstances. In many ways though, these qualities of coolness and detachment aren’t the weapons of truth that they appear to be, but are instead shields designed to protect the inner emotions that INTJs feel. In fact, because their emotions are such an underdeveloped tool, INTJs often feel them more strongly than many overtly emotional types because they simply haven’t learned how to control them effectively”.

I think this is why people who are overtly emotional annoy me so much. I like to keep my mind clear and think about things rationally and logically. Emotions are so messy and distracting I think. I remember when my dad died I hardly cried even though I can tell you I was the most devastated person because I was daddy’s little girl. You know how it is in an African setting. When someone, especially a man dies, extended family usually want to see what they can get out of it. This is what was going on in my mind and I made sure I was brave and alert. However, after the funeral and everything, I spend the next YEAR literally crying my eyes out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, mourning my father. Like every day. Even now, ten years later, I can just start bawling. So I don’t think it’s that INTJs are emotionless, I think it’s just that we can separate our emotions from what is going on at the time or maybe hold them off somehow.

Also, about emotions and feelings, I can tell you right now that I am the most loyal person you will ever find. Whether it is as a friend, girlfriend, employee, whatever, I am fiercely loyal and will protect you and your interests at all costs to the very best of my ability…but ONLY in as far as I believe you are worthy of my loyalty. If I don’t, then well, I wouldn’t even piss on you if you were on fire.If you continue to come at me sideways, I can be emotionless and ruthless. It all depends on you and how you treat me first. Also always remember I can usually see through people quite easily.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

“INTJs are brilliantly intellectual, developing a world in their heads that is more perfect than reality. People entering this world need to fit this fantasy, and it can be incredibly difficult for INTJs to find someone up to the task. Needless to say, finding a compatible partner is the most significant challenge most INTJs will face in life”. I meeeeeean 💁🏾 This is just me right here! Few things terrify me more than there prospect of ending up stuck to some intellectually inferior man who I can’t have a decent conversation with. For me, my “pickiness” is no even about his looks and physical attributes (although let’s be honest who doesn’t want a man with a hot body hmmm?). I need someone who can stimulate me mentally and intellectually. That is sooo sooo important to me. I love it when I meet a guy who I can talk to about anything. This is why I cannot stand it when I meet a guy and all he ever talks about is “oh you’re so beautiful”. Dude. I know. Tell me something I don’t know! If he’s not talking about my looks then he has nothing else to offer. Can someone say shallow?

I’m actually a very funny person and I need to be with someone who gets my kind of humour. If your IQ is 2 then you certainly will not get it and well, no future there.

FRIENDSHIPS

“People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level”. 

“INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favour of depth and quality”.

“When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humour are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up”. 

I meeeeeean! This is just me to a T! This is why I don’t have many friends nor do I make friends easily. I have a VERY small circle of friends and I have known them since grade one, form one or at least for the past 10 years.

Speaking of my sense of humour, I usually don’t find the things that a lot of people find funny to be funny at all. I clearly remember when I was a child, most probably around 5 years old, I HATED going to birthday parties especially where clowns were present because I did not find them funny in the least. I just could not understand why the other children were rolling on the floor laughing their lungs out!

“INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time”. Again, so accurate about me. You will find I am not friends with people I consider to be mediocre. Successful business people, lawyers, female pilots. Those are my friends. Not because I want to be associated with successful people for shallow reasons, but I believe you are the company you keep. Here comes the paradox again. You will find that I’m also likely to be good friends with the janitor, the gardener, a street kid or two. Why? Because I also believe that I can learn something from EVERYONE no matter their social status. To me everyone can bring something to the table. If I click with you, we’re good to go!

IN THE WORKPLACE/CAREERS

At the time I took this test, this is the part that resonated with me the most. I was frustrated with my job and on the verge of quitting. I had various options of other things I wanted to do but being a jack of all trades, I didn’t know where to focus my energy.

“Above all else, INTJs want to be able to tackle intellectually interesting work with minimal outside interference, no more, no less”I put “minimal outside interference” in bold because I CANNOT stand being pushed, incessantly checked on and people meddling with what I’m doing…in any setting actually not just at work. If it’s at work, you hired me because you believed I was competent. Therefore leave me alone and I will deliver. Zvekufemerwa mugotsi no please. This is definitely one of the things the frustrated me the heck at my previous job.

“INTJs have exceptionally high standards, and if they view a colleague or supervisor as incompetent or ineffective, respect will be lost instantly and permanently. INTJs require and appreciate firm, logical managers who are able to direct efforts with competence, deliver criticism when necessary, and back up those decisions with sound reason. Note that it is INTJs’ expectations of their managers that are being defined here, and not the other way around, as with some other personality types. Titles mean little to INTJs – trust and respect are earned, and INTJs expect this to be a two way street, receiving and delivering advice, criticisms and results. INTJs expect their managers to be intelligent enough and strong enough to be able to handle this paradigm. A silent INTJ conveys a lack of respect better than all their challenges ever will”I chuckled to myself when I read this again because it confirms why my previous manager and I were like oil and water. I lost respect for that person early on in our acquaintance and being “lead” by someone I had no respect for made me cringe every day. For me, it is VITAL that I respect people in any leadership positions. If it is at work I need to respect my leaders and they also need to respect me. I need a leader who is open to listening to my ideas as well as correcting me where I am wrong. Don’t just tell me I’m wrong and not explain why!

In fact, even in romantic relationships, he needs to earn my respect. I am one of those women who needs a man to be a man. I need him to lead me somehow and I need to learn things from him.

“INTJs tend to prefer to work alone, or at most in small groups, where they can maximize their creativity and focus without repeated interruptions from questioning colleagues and meetings-happy supervisors. For this reason INTJs are unlikely to be found in strictly administrative roles or anything that requires constant dialogue and heavy teamwork. Rather, INTJs prefer more “lone wolf” positions as mechanical or software engineers, lawyers or freelance consultants, only accepting competent leadership that helps in these goals, and rejecting the authority of those who hold them back”Not much to say here except once again 100% correct. I am currently pursuing my LLB and I cannot begin to tell you how much I’m loving it! Trust me, going down the wrong career path can be detrimental to your health. I am dead serious. The frustration can make you physically ill!

Listen, I can go on and on with this. I have just picked out a few bits and pieces to share with you guys. You can read the full report on my personality type here. I think it is very important to have direction in your life. To know yourself and know what you are capable of and what you want to achieve. Before you know it you will be 80 and wondering WTF you did with your life. When I am 80 I want to have a thoroughly used up brain (I was going to say and body but that would suggest other things) and smile on my face, knowing that I have used my God given talents to the best of my ability. To do this I believe it is vital to know know yourself.

I am really interested to know if anyone else found this personality test as interesting and helpful as I did? Please take it (click here to take the test) and tell me about your experiences in the comments section. Those who are going to take the test please make sure you are brutally honest when answering the questions or else there will be no point in taking it. Don’t answer how you think you’re supposed to answer or how you wish to you would answer. Give honest answers so you get meaningful results.

Enjoy!

The Empowering Nature of Nudity

So today’s post is more of a question to you all. Y’all are going to write this post for me today 😄 Let’s get right to it. I’ve seen the phrase “posing naked empowers women” or “it’s so liberating” or something along those lines, being used a lot by women, especially online. Celebrity advocates of this phenomenon include Kim K and Amber Rose. P!nk almost got ripped to shreds the other day for suggesting otherwise. Now, what I really and truly do not understand is how? How does publicly posing naked empower you as a woman? I am not being condescending or snooty here, I actually really want to know and understand.

So, those who subscribe to that school of thought please, explain this to me. Trolls and the overly “woke” please don’t bother with your snarky comments. Guys are welcome to contribute to this discussion as well 🙂

Let’s gooooo….

 

 

Nudes

I don’t know about you guys but I’m sooo over seeing people’s “leaked” nudes all over the place. Nudes are like sooo 2012. You’re not all Kim Kardashian. Nudes will do nothing for you except potentially destroy your life. Can we move on please? Why do people still think it’s ok to distribute others’ nudes and more importantly, why the heck are women (yes women, because I’ve never seen or heard of a guy’s nudes floating around and even if there were some, nobody seems to really care about naked guys anyway) still continue to send their nudes to people and/or agree to pose naked for pictures? I just don’t get it.

I remember reading online somewhere someone who had the same sentiments as me on women refraining from sending their nudes to people. The poor guy had the keyboard feminists all over him like white on rice. Yes, women are the owners of their bodies and no-one should dictate what they do with them and all that jazz but guess what? There are and will always be douchebags in this world who will do whatever they want with the pictures you WILLINGLY hand over to them. So the choice is yours. To preserve your dignity as best you can or nah.

Seriously though. If your man is really that desperate to see you, he should just come over and see you in the flesh! That same guy who is your beloved boyfriend or even husband today could become your sworn enemy tomorrow. There is also always the possibility of that phone or laptop or whatever gadget with those pictures could get stolen and the thief will have access to everything on that laptop. Remember the hackers from last year who managed to gain access to celebrities’ iCloud accounts? Yeah.

Screenshot 2016-02-08 23.32.38I was shocked to see other women actually advocating the distribution of these nudes and videos under the guise of “educating and warning other women”. Yeah right. All they want to do discuss and laugh and pour salt onto the wounds. No-one seems to care that this could be somebody’s mother, sister, daughter. No-one actually cares.

So ladies, like I said before, it’s all up to you. If you feel an overwhelming urge to bring out your inner stripper and pose for these nudes then at the very least DO NOT SHOW YOUR FACE! At least you can deny it later! Always keep in mind the very real potential devastating consequences of those nudes should they get “leaked”. Think about the embarrassment they will cause not only to yourself but to your loved ones. Your children, your parents, friends, relatives or even future partner. Is it really worth it? Also, for my Zimbabwean sisters, you need to remember we do not have any revenge porn laws in this country. The way our society is set up, you basically cannot do a thing to the perpetrators and in fact you will be the one labelled a whore, slut etc, even though what was recorded may have been a private moment between the two of you.

Better safe than sorry I say! What say you?

Why the modern woman allegedly cannot submit to her husband

So this morning I woke up to this interesting discussion on Twitter.  ZiFM asked why it is the modern woman finds it difficult to submit to her husband. Answers from most of the guys ranged from blaming equal rights, women watching too much TV, women being too materialistic and women not following the Bible’s instruction to submitting to their husbands (notice how not one of them put an ounce of blame on themselves) *rolls eyes* Now, I am not married and this post is MY opinion on the matter. I’m also a Christian so I will be making references to Biblical principles once or twice.

I think for us to answer this question, we need to really define what it means to be submissive, not what some people want it to mean. The first definition when you google the word submission is “the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”. I’ve noticed a lot of people, especially guys, who know nothing about what’s in the Bible somehow all know that verse that says wives should submit to their husbands lol. Below is that verse in it’s context because somehow the following bit about the husbands loving their wives and being capable leaders seems to get lost in translation. Please read the text before and after to get a full appreciation of what the couple and not just the wife is being asked to do.

Screenshot 2016-01-22 00.20.53

I’m not going to conduct a Bible study class here and have an in-depth analysis of what all this means. However, I’d like to believe that any person of standard intelligence can deduce that yes, the wife is being instructed to submit to her husband but the husband is also being instructed to love his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That last bit I’ve highlighted is loaded yo! Guys, are you seeing this? Can you do what Christ did for you for your wife??? It is my opinion that one cannot happen without the other. Without love there is not respect and vice versa. Submission here does not mean say yes to everything and question nothing. It does not mean you are your husbands slave. It does not mean you are his property to use and discard like some random inanimate object. What it simply means is that he is entitled to receiving the respect that is due to him as the head of the house.

Personally, I have no problem with submitting to my future husband. If it is what makes him happy, I will have no problem with kneeling before him to give him his food or whatever (because you can kneel before a man for various other reasons hahaha) BUT this will only happen if I respect and love this man and I am assured that he is there for me, that he has my back, that he is a capable leader of our family, a good father to our children, my protector, lover and friend. Without that haulume shasha. Guys, let me let you in on a secret, if you genuinely do the above for your women, respect and submission is automatic no doubt. You won’t even have  to ask. Munoitirwa minana mudzimba umo and you will have a permanent smile on your face. But it’s a two way thing, it’s give and take.

Now, the problem I see these days is that a lot of people do not want to move with the times and realise that we are now in 2016 and not 1916. In our grandmother’s era or indeed even some of our mother’s times, women did not have as much choice to do what they wanted to do with their lives. A lot of them did not get any education past their “O” Levels. They were expected to get married before 25 and start a family, stay at home and look after their husbands and children. The men are the ones who went out to work and bring home the bacon. A lot of these women depended on their husbands for their well being such that whatever the husband said was law. If he cheated or abused her, she stayed “for the kids” and also because her family would most probably tell her to go back to her husband. Fast forward to now and women are a lot more self sufficient. We are educated and employed. If my husband abuses me, I have the option to leave him and still be able to look after myself and my children. I can question what he says because guess what? I am also a thinking human being with a God given brain. Unfortunately, a lot of men think that when a woman questions them, she is “refusing to submit”. Erm, no daddy, I’m questioning you so I can understand better and I might even have a better idea!

The way I see it, instead of also growing and developing together with their women, a lot of men are behaving like toddlers that are walking a few steps behind their mommy. They stop and start screaming that they’ve been left behind instead of running along and catching up. Guys, times have changed. We are not going back to 1950 mufunge. Y’all need to step up your game and get with the programme because I promise you, most women, even the most die hard feminists will respect a man who is exactly that, a man. The problem is a lot of guys think that having different reproductive organs from a woman automatically entitles them to respect and submission. Men don’t want to be men but want the benefits of a man.

I used think my views on this topic are utopian but then I have come across the kinds of men I would have no problems submitting to so I KNOW they exist. For example, check this brother out. He gets it. He was talking a lot of sense throughout the discussion:

 

Someone recently accused me of hating men because I regularly call them out (I don’t, I love men, I actually get along with guys much more than girls…but that’s a story for another day) So to dispel such myths, I’m also going to talk to my sisters. Ladies, I think when you get married, get married for the right reasons. Get married to a man you love and respect already and who you know has the potential to be the man you need in your life. I’ve seen women get married to someone just because he is rich and then a year down the line she can’t stand the sight of him. Hakuna respect inobuda ipapo! Also ladies, in as much as we are now self sufficient and independent, I think we need to remember that this relationship business is teamwork. If you want it to work, we need to understand that the way men and women operate is different. Our needs and wants are different. Men need respect and to have their egos rubbed. We need to feel protected and loved (let me say many of us at least before I get ripped to shreds by the extreme feminists!).

In conclusion, I think both men and women need to stop pointing fingers at each other for not getting the kind of relationships they need and want. tumblr_nijftwZGjk1rmmq74o1_1280For any relationship to work teamwork and communication are key. Know what the other party needs and try your best to provide that.

This is such a huge topic that would require a lot more discussion I think but I always try to make my blog posts as short as possible to keep y’all actually interested! As always, I want to know what you guys think about this? Add your comments in the comments section below!

20 signs you’re doing better than you think…

I came across this article written by Brianna Wiest on her blog. It’s a WordPress based blog like mine but for some reason I can’t figure out how to reblog it and so I’m going to copy and paste it onto here for you guys to read. I though it was something rather nice and encouraging because sometimes we do tend to be a little too hard on ourselves. You can read the original article here. Enjoy!

20 Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think You Are

  1. You paid the bills this month, and maybe even had extra to spend on non-necessities. It doesn’t matter how much you belaboured the checks as they went out, the point is that they did, and you figured it out regardless.
  2. You question yourself. You doubt your life. You feel miserable some days. This means you’re still open to growth. This means you can be objective and self-aware. The best people go home at the end of the day and think: “or… maybe there’s another way.”
  3. You have a job. For however many hours, at whatever rate, you are earning money that helps you eat something, sleep on something, wear something every day. It’s not failure if it doesn’t look the way you thought it would – you’re valuing your independence and taking responsibility for yourself.
  4. You have time to do something you enjoy. Even if “what you enjoy” is sitting on the couch and ordering dinner and watching Netflix.
  5. You are not worried about where your next meal is coming from. There’s food in the fridge or pantry, and you have enough to actually pick and choose what you want to eat.
  6. You can eat because you enjoy it. It’s not a matter of sheer survival.
  7. You have one or two truly close friends. People worry about the quantity but eventually tend to realize the number of people you can claim to be in your tribe has no bearing on how much you feel intimacy, acceptance, community, or joy. At the end of the day, all we really want are a few close people who know us (and love us) no matter what.
  8. You could afford a subway ride, cup of coffee, or the gas in your car this morning. The smallest conveniences (and oftentimes, necessities) are not variables for you.
  9. You’re not the same person you were a year ago. You’re learning, and evolving, and can identify the ways in which you’ve changed for better and worse.
  10. You have the time and means to do things beyond the bare minimum. You’ve maybe been to a concert in the last few years, you buy books for yourself, you could take a day trip to a neighbouring city if you wanted – you don’t have to work all hours of the day to survive.
  11. You have a selection of clothing at your disposal. You aren’t worried about having a hat or gloves in a blizzard, you have cool clothes for the summer and something to wear to a wedding. You not only can shield and decorate your body, but can do so appropriately for a variety of circumstances.
  12. You can sense what isn’t right in your life. The first and most crucial step is simply being aware. Being able to communicate to yourself: “something is not right, even though I am not yet sure what would feel better.”
  13. If you could talk to your younger self, you would be able so say: “We did it, we made it out, we survived that terrible thing.” So often people carry their past traumas into their present lives, and if you want any proof that we carry who we were in who we are, all you need to do is see how you respond to your inner child hearing, you’re going to be okay, from the person they became.
  14. You have a space of your own. It doesn’t even have to be a home or apartment (but that’s great if it is). All you need is a room, a corner, a desk, where you can create or rest at your discretion; where you govern who gets to be part of your weird little world, and to what capacity. It’s one of the few controls we can actually exert.
  15. You’ve lost relationships. More important than the fact that you’ve simply had them in the first place is that you or your former partner chose not to settle. You opened yourself to the possibility of something else being out there.
  16. You’re interested in something. Whether it’s now how to live a happier life, maintain better relationships, reading or movies or sex or society or the axis on which the world spins, something intrigues you to explore it.
  17. You know how to take care of yourself. You know how many hours of sleep you need to feel okay the next day, who to turn to when you’re heartbroken, what you have fun doing, what to do when you don’t feel well, etc.
  18. You’re working toward a goal. Even if you’re exhausted and it feels miles away, you have a dream for yourself, however vague and malleable.
  19. But you’re not uncompromisingly set on anything for your future. Some of the happiest and best adjusted people are the ones who can make any situation an ideal, who are too immersed in the moment to intricately plan and decidedly commit to any one specific outcome.
  20. You’ve been through some crap. You can look at challenges you currently face and compare them to ones you thought you’d never get over. You can reassure yourself through your own experience. Life did not get easier, you got smarter.

Feel free to add other little often overlooked signs in the comments section below 🙂

Oh, by the way, happy new year and all those pleasantries. Hope you’re all enjoying your 2016 so far! 🙂