I had a hilarious and interesting discussion on Twitter with a few friends the other evening on what’s expected from a black Zimbabwean daughter-in-law, especially the first time she goes to the husband’s “kumusha”. For my readers outside of Zimbabwe, when a woman gets married, she is expected to go to her in-law’s home and carry out some daughter-in-law “duties”. If her in-laws live in the rural areas, these duties include fetching firewood, getting water for the entire family from a well which can be goodness knows how many kilometres away, cooking on an open fire and even killing a chicken or heaven forbid a goat and of course cooking it.
Now, my issue with the above scenario is this; I really want to understand why people still place so much importance on doing things the old fashioned way? Take me for example. I did not grow up in the rural areas. I have never gone to fetch wood. I can’t carry a big bucket of water with my hands never mind put it on my head and cooking on an open fire is a bit of a nightmare . In such a scenario, why can my husband and I not do the following:
- Buy a portable gas stove for the cooking. No more cooking on the open fire and getting smoke in my eyes.
- Get a borehole installed as well as a water tank. No more disasters with buckets full of water
- Look. I’m not trying to kill any living thing bigger than a fly so this killing chickens business? Nah. This is 2015. Let that sink in for minute. 2015. Why can’t I just bring my chicken pieces from the supermarket? I don’t think there really is a valid reason to be honest.
It makes 110% sense why daughters-in-law were required to do all this in the past. I guess because they would be going to start their own homes in similar settings, the in-laws possibly wanted to make sure that she could take care of their son (not that the guy was expected to do anything to show that HE could also take care of HER but that’s a story for another day!) However, this is 2015, surely we should be embracing whatever technology makes our lives easier right?
I have no problems with cooking and cleaning for and showing off your domestic prowess to your in-laws but lets not try and make each other’s lives unnecessarily difficult. Surely if I’m not going to go and stay in the rural areas then I should be able to do whatever makes life easier for both them and myself right? Yes, let’s keep our traditions but let’s also incorporate technology and move with the times right?
What do you guys think?
Life with Dimples 
Reblogged this on hazvinei and commented:
The African Woman
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We need to remember that traditions always evolve. Even fetching water in a bucket has evolved because initially, it was not a bucket. It was a heavy calabash specifically for water. People used to fetch water from the nearest river which was located miles away, until they decided to dig up wells or reservoirs. and fetch water from there (Kutsime). I’ve witnessed that the best varooras are the ones that bring change to their man’s family. That influence their man to improve his clan and himself. If you think that fetching firewood and killing chickens is going to make you the best muroora, think again doll. The Muroora that splashes money and spoils her inlaws by bringing convenience is always the adored one. Because everyone has a soft spot for the person with the money. They can’t even make decisions without you. When they get there, they give you a stool to sit on while the rest of the varooras are given reed mats or sent to fetch stuff because that’s what they are good for, following tradition and not bringing change. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that we should do away with tradition, but i’m saying evolve. Make it easier for everyone. Even bedroom moves evolve. So for those of you performing the same moves that your gran taught you in the name of tradition……Hameno. e.g wiping a man with a wet yellow cloth after sex?? Buy wet wipes doll, and wipe the sweat off his face with a soapless cleanser and cotton wool.
Please note that i’m talking to the modern woman who works in the city. She can afford to make a change. And I assure you that she will be loved for it. Kuhuni endai mega.
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Love it! You my dear are an enlightened woman!
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I’ve always told myself I’d hire one of the local kumusha girls to do all that stuff for me. lol!
But seriously… you’re so right! the things you suggested actually help to improve the quality of lives of the people kumusha kwacho. (getting gas stove, digging a borehole pamba)
No more respiratory problems from cooking on an open fire for them. No more spending hours going to look for mvura (and huni)… more time for other things that bring income for the family.
ETC
Tradition? no thanks…bye.
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I know right? Peeps need to move with the times!
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Sorry ma but tradition is tradition you will have to carry out those duties, even the ones i didn’t know you had to do. It’s just sad that we can’t change that anytime soon.
But imagine just grabbing some 25litre containers stashing them at the back of your car, driving to kurwizi, filling them up with water and then driving back kumusha to deliver them because convenience. hahahahaha
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But this is my question though. All that made sense in 1940 when people had no other way of doing things. I’m not against cooking and cleaning for the family. What I’m saying is it doesn’t make sense to me to walk 5km kutsime when I can just put up a tank or drill a borehole for convenience’s sake. Hanti the tradition part is the cooking and cleaning bit? It shouldn’t matter how I get the water though…
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I agree with you, but tradition is well tradition and even tho you have a gas stove im sure you are still expected to do the open fire thing. Good thing is the males we are a dating are born lokeshens
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Haaa sha. Ini hangu I’m not about that firewood life chii chii. So long ndabika chete lol
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Nobharri is, hatina kuzvijaira so we better choose these inlaws wisely
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kwaa u have left a part where you need to bath everyone in the clan though it will be a face only. i think its just tradition my dear just like paying lobola and unofanira kutodzidzira kkkkk
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Aiwa kugeza vanhu ngavagezeswe but ini mvura yangu inotobuda mutank. Do you see me ndichitsiga zimugomo? Maya! Lol
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