Hey y’all. How’s everybody doing today? So this morning I came across the below tweets floating around on my TL:
My first reaction was that of shock and disbelief. How dare he, I thought. What a mean human being! How can he be so cruel to his poor girlfriend? But then the more I though about it, the more I actually started to feel sorry for HIM. This guy is just saying his truth. He says he just woke up today with a heavy heart thinking about this. He sounds a bit stuck really. I’m not sure I agree with him tweeting about it though because idiots are aplenty on this planet and I guarantee you someone has already made sure his girlfriend sees these tweets (he says she herself is not on Twitter).
Anyway, he got me wondering about people and relationships. I wonder how many people are in relationships and feel like this? Pining away after your ex? Or after the person that you really love but can’t be with for whatever reason. Imagine the poor girlfriend though. She most probably thinks she’s in the greatest relationship ever and yet this guy really and truly doesn’t love her. He’s just there because she is a good person and he believes she deserves to be happy (also because he was initially attracted to her because she reminds him of his ex lol). I don’t know. I don’t have much experience with real, deep relationships so maybe my point of view is too romanticised? But I’m thinking this is one of the ways unhappy marriages and ultimately unhappy households are created. Imagine these two get married and have kids. It may take some time but I’m sure this woman will realise this guy simply does not love her. He may do everything for her and provide for her but if he doesn’t LOVE her SHE WILL KNOW. What happens when the woman he really does love decides she wants to give it a go again? Will he remain faithful to the one he doesn’t love? Will he leave her? Will they start an affair? What if he then meets the real love of his life later and he’s now stuck with a wife he doesn’t love and a family? Will he sacrifice his happiness for them? Too much unnecessary drama methinks.
I know he didn’t ask for our advice but I think he should quit while he’s ahead. Let this other girl go. Yes she’ll be hurt but she’ll get over it and move on. Better now than years and a wedding and babies down the line. Also, he says his pride (and most probably hers too) is what’s getting in the way of him getting back together with the ex. This little thing called pride is troublesome I tell you! I don’t know why they broke up with the ex but it seems to me that he wants to try again with her but won’t because pride.
The same goes for those people who get married because the woman is pregnant and are unlikely to have done so if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. Is it possible to learn to love someone because you have no choice? I think a lot of these people end up being promiscuous because they just can’t stand to go home to the person they’re “stuck” with forever.
What do you guys think? Am I romanticising relationships too much? Are most relationships like this where one party is not in it 100%? Can you really last a lifetime with someone you married just because they got pregnant but you didn’t really love them (or you are the one that got pregnant)? Can you “learn” to love someone? Can a relationship last where there is no love but one party is there because they feel sorry for the other? Why can’t people just swallow their pride, go forth and “seize the bae”?
Help me out here with your thoughts…
Life with Dimples 
“Love is cursed by monogamy. It’s something that the pastor won’t preach” Kanye West
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Interesting perspective. So do you believe someone can love more than one person?
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Relationships can be very tricky like that which is why I never ever advise people to get into rebound mode and completely heal before moving on to the next person.
As for this coward foolish guy……If he is still in love with his ex then he shouldn’t waste another girl’s time by caging her in something he is not feeling. It is cruel and cold and would only hurt the chick more when she finds out (which she probably has by now, the speed of this Twitter, I’m telling you!). Foolish boy should also swallow his pride and go after one he truly loves. He is truly stupid to wish her happiness without him.
In terms of marrying etc someone you don’t really love and hoping that one day your feelings for them will grow……wetin dat be? I’m a firm believer in if something is for you then it will be and if not, there ain’t nothing you can do to make it stay. That said, you cannot learn to love someone with time. You either do or you don’t. Simple. My heart goes out to all those stuck in these unhappy situations 😦
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This thing called relationships is a pretty big deal. I say big deal because it takes on a big part of your emotions and most times in my experiences leaves you drained!!
My thoughts on rebound relationships…I think it’s the worst thing you can ever do to yourself because in most cases you are not completely over your ex. I once got into one myself, you can read about it over here >> https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/rebound-guy/
If I were that guy I would just put my pride aside and go and get my girl. He might miss out on the happiest part of his life and live to regret it if he doesn’t do something about it.
P.S. I also saw this thread on Twitter but never thought of making a blog. Way to go girl! It just shows there is ALWAYS something to write about 🙂
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You can definitely grow to love another person despite how the relationship began. If you start a new relationship still inlove with someone else it will never work ,too much baggage.
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Iwe ka
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Ko chii?
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The problem is stupid advice like “The best way to get over a bae is to get under a new bae” That’s just rubbish! People need to heal, regroup, relook at themselves after a relationship ends, then and only then, can they start a new relationship that will be healthy. Rebound relationships are unfair on the person you are using as a rebound. Well, unless the person is quite happy to oblige 😉
HOWEVER, it is quite possible to love someone later in a relationship even if the beginning was wonky cause of pregnancy, family issues, rebounds, etc. Sometimes continued exposure to someone makes you realise what an amazing being they are and makes you fall for them. The same, of course, can also be said for people who get married wildly in love and that love slowly ebbs away because the continued exposure shows you their true nature too.
Truth is, when it comes to matters of the heart, there’s no formula and there’s no workaround or any advice that fits all, it’s purely on a one to one basis (pun intended!) 😀
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Yeah. Matters of the heart are complicated for real!
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You can learn to love someone although its just more work. Unfortunately people are not prepared to do the due diligence before relationships so most end up in relationships that they are not happy with. I had a friend who did this rebound thing. Within a month of coming out of a 5 year relationship he was seeing someone else who was exactly like the previous girlfriend but that didnt last two months as he had fallen out of love. What I realised from that is that guys sometimes go into rebounds cos of egos, they don’t like the idea of not having a girlfriend.
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You’re right. I think it must a loooot of work to learn to love someone.
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