Zimbabwe, Zimbabwe! Oh, my Zimbabwe!

Disclaimer: This is NOT going to be well structured post. It’s more of a rant…sort of. These are all the things going through my mind right now with regards where Zimbabwe finds itself at the moment. It may or may not make sense. It is all haphazard. It may be all confused. But that is what we are feeling right now. Confused.

So guys. Zimbabwe. We all know what’s happening in Zimbabwe. Well, actually, we don’t. We don’t have a clue. We are going crazy here guys. We are excited. We are scared. We are curious. We are anxious the heck. What really is our military doing? What are they up to? Is this a smart move? Is this a stupid move? Maybe this is a well thought out plan that is being executed meticulously? Is R.G.M in on this? Maybe tirikuitiswa guys!

Zimbabweans have been through the most, THE ABSOLUTE MOST! We are such an abused people. You can’t even tweet in peace. Even now, I’m taking care not to type anything in this post that may get me in trouble and have charges of “trying to incite the overthrowing of a constitutionally and democratically elected government” brought against me. I’m too pretty for prison please!

I mean, most Zimbabweans had/have lost hope of any meaningful change in our country. Everyone is just basically trying to stay alive. To feed their families and have a decent roof over their heads. I think we last collectively had these feelings of anxiety, excitement, depression and anticipation after the 2008 elections, but alas. We all know how that story ended. As such, on the morning of 15 November 2017 when we woke up to the announcement on our one and only local TV station that the military was temporarily in charge of the country, we, ok, let me say “I”, I was confused. Stunned. Like what just happened?? Below is the full announcement which was made by General Major S. B. Moyo.

Note he actually doesn’t say anything at all about removing the current president. He just says they want to remove “the criminal elements surrounding him who are causing economic and social suffering in the country”. I don’t know how we got from that to everyone going on and on about them removing the current president. I don’t know man. It’s just confusing. Maybe it’s because we are so very DESPERATE for that kind of change we just heard what we wanted to hear and ran with it. Or maybe like I said before, it’s all part of their plan. Who knows? They are not really saying much. They said this is not a coup. But listen. These are highly educated, trained and experienced military men. I really, really want to believe that they DO know what they are doing. Imagine though. This is would actually be epic! This would be the most tactful and peaceful coup in the history of mankind. General Chiwenga and his team would go down in history as legends! He would need to write a book after this!

Listen. Zimbabweans are neither naive nor stupid. We are well aware that this is less about us the general populace of Zimbabwe and more about General Chiwenga and team protecting their own interests in ZANU PF (Zimbabwe’s ruling party). However. The transformation we seek could be a by-product of their bigger picture. That is why we are all sitting at the edge of our seats, biting our nails and watching ZBC TV which many of us haven’t bothered to watch for literally years! Imagine, we are looking to ZBC TV and the Herald for factual news! Wonders will never cease!

Let’s talk about SADC (Southern African Development Committee) and the AU (African Union) for a quick second. I’ll get straight to the point. I have NO kind words for them like, I’m sure, most Zimbabweans. In fact, I am mad as hell. How many times have we had issues in this country? Serious humanitarian issues? How many times could they have stepped in and held little meetings to intervene when we really needed them? Did they lift a finger? No. They turned the other way and pretended not to see what was going on. And now, because we (haha we!) have taken matters into our own hands they suddenly want to poke their snotty noses into our business? No no no. A thousand times no. How dare they? How DARE they? Now they want to start bringing up the constitution? Where were they when that very same constitution was being shat on??? Just pretend you can’t see us as usual. I’m going to stop there.

The international news agencies. Oh Lord. These guys right here **face palm** Can you stop being so sensational and peddling fake news and nonsense. First of all, there is no chaos in Zimbabwe. We are going about our daily lives as we normally do. The President was even capping graduates at the Zimbabwe Open University this afternoon. See? Nothing amiss here. No need to lose your damn minds. Let our military do their thing in peace (whatever that thing is, Lord only knows) and stop creating unnecessary noise for them. And those people outside of Zimbabwe or who are not Zimbabwean who are all over social media. Those of you who are being supportive, thank you. We appreciate you more than you will ever know at this weird time. You guys rock! Those of you who are condescending pricks and want to tell us how we should be feeling or what we should be doing or trying to explain to us what is going on here…..kindly fuck all the way off. Thank you.

In all this though, Zimbos still have a stellar sense of humour. The amount of jokes and puns that have going around are funny the heck! I think is our coping mechanism. We can make jokes out of anything. Is that always a good thing? I don’t know.

Anyway, however this cookie will end up crumbling, I will always love my country and my countrymen. If the result is positive, let us build our country and make sure we NEVER EVER get to this stage again. Even if the result is not what we want, we are to keep pushing. To our military, we are behind you guys. We really don’t know what it is you are up to, but for some strange reason, most of us are behind you 100%. To be honest, I would like to believe that most Zimbabweans don’t really care which party is ruling as long as they are taking care of us, the people. Make sure we have good infrastructure, good medical care, good education, jobs, and a sustainable economy. That is all we ask. Is that too much? I think not.

Oh yes. Zimbabweans. Don’t let this distract you from registering to vote. REGISTER TO VOTE!

But yoh, this is stressful as fuck guys.

I need some vodka. A lot of it.



Where to Get: Free/Low-Cost Breast Cancer Screening in Zimbabwe

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. This post by the Quarter Wife has very valuable information on the various places you can get screened. Please take the time to read through, find the nearest place to you and get tested! Early detection can save your life!

The Quarter Wife

Breast cancer is one of the most common cancers in Zimbabwe affecting women (according to 2012 statistics, the third most common, after Cervical cancer and Kaposi’s Sarcoma), and the third most common cause of death among those cancers. It’s such a devastating disease because women tend to present when it’s too late. The heartbreak when one has to look a patient in the eyes and say, “There’s nothing we can do.” The trauma of sitting and pretty much having to wait to die.

For this reason, October has been chosen as Breast Cancer Awareness month worldwide, to encourage women to get screened for breast cancer. Zimbabwean organisations have also joined in to give women greater access to screening and education so they can be treated in time, if need be.

So, here is a list of places you can get screened for breast cancer. The list is not exhaustive; as…

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#30DayAfriblogger Challenge. Day 19: Being Yvonne-Michelle…

Life with Dimples

I used to really hate Being Mary-Jane when it first came out. The fact that she was purposefully having an affair with a married man, the fact that she was the stereotypical successful black woman who had everything…everything but love. I think initially I watched the first two or three episodes and then decided I wouldn’t watch it again. And I didn’t for a while. Then for some reason I began to watch it again. It was at this point that I realised I had hated this show because it had a lot of similarities with my life (except the bed wetting business lol).  It highlighted the bits of my life that I didn’t like and that I usually try to ignore.

The range of emotions she goes through, the problems she faces, her frustrations…all too familiar. I’m glad I started watching it again though. It forced me to face and…

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#30DayAfriblogger Challenge. Day 18: The downside of fake nails

Life with Dimples

You know how it is sometimes when you swear you will never do something again and then a while later you have forgotten why it was such a bad idea then you do it again? Immediately after all the reasons why it was such a bad idea come flooding back! This is my current situation with regards these darn fake nails I got done last week. They look nice I must admit but goodness, I don’t know how long I can deal with the following:

  1. Fake nails and stockings are not the best of friends. This is a recipe for disaster. The number of brand new stockings I’ve laddered! Ugh!
  2. Messaging on your phone is damn near impossible! Soooo frustrating!
  3. Goodbye to any satisfying scratching. These things are blunt compared to my real nails. I’m having to use my hair brushes and all manner of sharp objects to scratch myself!

View original post 217 more words

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